Probably written by F/O's...
*** Updated 18 Apr 2019 ***
The Captain is a confused soul who talks about women when he’s flying and about aeroplanes when he is with a woman.
There are four ways to fly: the right way; the wrong way; the company way and the Captain’s way. Only one counts.
Arguing with a Captain is like arguing with a traffic warden.
Jokes told by Flt. Engineers are ignored; First Officers jokes draw smiles; Captains jokes turn F/O’s and Engineers into hysterics, none of which proves who tells the funniest jokes.
There is only one thing worse than a Captain who never flew as a First Officer and that's an F/O who once flew as a Captain.
God apparently sits in the front left-hand seat on the flight deck of all airliners.
The more a First Officer gripes about his Captain the more likely it is that he will become an insufferable Captain himself.
The Captain always selects the gear down at the perfect spot and time, the First Officer always selects it 15 seconds too early.
As far as the travelling public know, heavy landings are done either by the First Officer or the Autoland system.
A good crew is one where the Captain and First Officer go hand in hand. (But not through the public areas of the terminal)
A Captain has four gold bars tattooed on his dick so he can pull his rank when he is off duty.
A Captain, who drinks cask wine at home, drinks three quarters of a bottle of vintage red when the tab is being split by the rest of the crew.
The airliner of the future will have a Captain and a savage dog on the flight deck. The Captain’s job will be to feed the dog; the dog's job will be to bite the Captain if he touches anything.
They can reduce crew numbers and automate the flight deck as much as they like but the day they get rid of the Captain is the day the passengers stop flying.
At a seminar after two years of operation of the FMS a senior Captain said "I now can’t fly for shit but I can type at 80 words per minute".
The most nerve-racking job in the airline; First Officer on a positioning flight with two senior training Captains.
Work, study, learning, is the lifetime sentence of a pilot,
Everything in the ANO, JAR Ops, Company Ops Manuals, Memos, NOTAMS etc states that the Captain is responsible TO or FOR. He is where the buck stops.